The Plan

I cannot remember the last time I set and achieved a goal.

Okay, okay, I guess deciding to sing in a band start counted as a goal. But I can't think of the last time I set a goal that was outside of my existing area of comfort and expertise. I already knew I could sing. I did set out last year to finally really learn to cook, but I had learned most of the basics from my mom growing up, and so far I haven't progressed further than being able to follow a recipe well (which I'm pretty proud of).

But a weight loss goal? Learning to play an instrument? Large household projects? Nope. I tend to make lists, do the research, and then quit out of boredom and/or discouragement.

As a child I was motivated by fear. Fear of failure, fear of humiliation, fear of disappointing my parents, fear of hell, did I mention fear of humiliation? This overriding fear prevented me from venturing into the unknown, but with the help of friends, it also spurred me to not insignificant academic and extracurricular achievement. I was on the honor roll, in choir (including our high school's honor choir), in the worship band and church, secretary of drama club, a founding member of the environmental club--I could go on.

But because I never ventured far from my natural abilities and most of my accomplishments were somewhat tied into a race against fear, once I was on my own and discovered that the world doesn't stop turning just because I neglect something, I had a hard time tapping into any kind of motivation. But I'm working on making the quality of my life a motivating factor.

So now that I'm a great big grownup girl, it's time to set some goals and set a good example for the children I'd like to have in the next couple years. But I don't want to get toooooo crazy. So here are some reasonable goals for the next year, in no particular order:

• Lose 30 lbs. Ideally more, sure, but since I managed to gain over 10 lbs in the last year, I think we'll aim for something reasonable. After all, I *heart* beer and cheese.

• Write regularly! It's been more than a month since I started this. Actually, truth be told? More than a month since I started this post. AURGH! So... 3 posts a week?

• Expand my kitchen repertoire.

• Learn to play a dozen songs on guitar--just rhythm, but at regular speed.

• Figure out what I should be doing professionally. My job is soul-crushing. I need a new plan! But I have no idea what I should do, so I think making a plan has to come before implementing a change.

Is that short and vague enough for you? Me too! But let's go!