…because I’ll never get my own Groundhog Day

A few months into our marriage, we had one of those late night talks couples have from time to time. You know, side-by-side under the comforter in the dark, I asked my husband "If Groundhog Day happened to you, what would you do with all that time?" Yes, I was referring to the Bill Murray classic. This obviously launched a lengthy, soul-baring discussion, which then morphed into the related topic: "Would you rather relive the same day for ages a la Murray, or live a full life, and then re-set back to early childhood (to a significant or insignificant event) with all of your accumulated knowledge and adult understanding?"
Imagine if I
Matt prefers the re-set to a particular day in his childhood, while I lean towards the Groundhog Day experience. How great would either be though? If I was granted a whole life do-over, I would do so much differently. And no, I'm not talking about invest-my-lunch-money-in-Microsoft stuff. I mean I wouldn't be so afraid of everything. I would start learning guitar at 7 or 8. I'd go out for cheer leading even though it was completely against type... or I would if I wanted to. I'd consider it and everything else available. And then I'd understand before my 29th birthday that my family really does love me unconditionally, and would have still loved me if I'd pursued my own fantasy future instead of what I thought they'd find acceptable. I'd study art and music and food, but maybe I wouldn't do the 4 year degree that I thought was so important the first time around. I'd move to a city and play music and find my way while still young and unattached enough to live that unstable life.

But my life as it has been has been fine. Great, even. Sure I wish I'd been less afraid and tried more things, but ultimately I have a happy life: a great husband, good friends, so far so good. While I have regrets, I don't feel any imperative to undo. But how much would I love to learn everything I've been meaning to learn seemingly overnight? So much! To play guitar, to cook without recipes, to draw and paint and sew... all in one day as far as the outside world could tell. It wouldn't matter if I bailed on work--it's only one day! Sure, it'd get frustrating and lonely at times, but ultimately Phil Connors gets his perfect day and moves forward. I'm confident I would too.



I confess that I have daydreamed about this more than is probably useful or healthy. Or normal. But at the end of that conversation, before I fell asleep it struck me how ridiculous it is. Or at least how useless. We don't actually get to stop time so that we can learn everything we want. This is not profound, I know, but I realized that I have been living that way most of my life. Waiting for the moment when somehow pursuing my dreams and interests is easy and painless. And that day is never going to come.

I first had the idea for blogging How to Build a Better Bombshell 4 years ago, when I was still in a bad relationship, drinking every night and singing in a band. In my laziness and fear I put it off. I made some changes and improvements, met and married Matthew, but I'm still looking to build a better me. We embarked on our second year of marriage just a few days ago, on August 8. So I'm going to do this now. Document my attempts at improving myself: learning to cook and sew, lose weight, play guitar, and maybe even keep my apartment clean. Maybe.

Comments

[kalanicut]

Popping by from the BYW class. Fun post. Inspired to see that you are following your dreams and focused on enjoying and living your best life. :)