I loved this post when I read it on Susannah Conway's blog last week. I even thought to myself, "I should make a list like that" for a brief moment, and then dismissed it. I don't think I lack authenticity or "realness" on this blog, but I think it's nice to take stock of the situation every now and again.
Anyway, I had already forgotten about it when I came up on this invitation from tinniegirl in the course of catching up on my Blogtoberfest reading. I took it as a sign (which I suppose is a dangerous precedent to set--it may obligate me to accept more invitations. Hmm... I'll worry about it later), so here is my good/not-so-good list.
Things that are Good:
1. Home/Family ie: Matt & Hamilton. Our little life in our little apartment is lovely. It has been a blessing to be able to spend almost all of every day together for the last couple years (couple months in the case of Hamilton). Life won't always be like this. One or both of us will work out of the home. Maybe we'll have a kid and life will change forever. I'm trying to really be present for the love and freedom and snuggling and laziness and thoughtfulness and joy in our cozy home.
2. I'm employed through January. That's just as it sounds. The job that was supposed to end when I moved to San Diego, and then was supposed to end last January, and then tomorrow, is being extended through the end of Q2--the end of January. Who knows if it will last beyond then, and the work is far from fulfilling, but for now I'm thankful not to have to find a new job at holiday time.
3. Learning. I am loving Blogging Your Way, and now Get Your Paint On has started. It's a bit of a battle against my October blues to put in the time and focus, but I'm excited about the topics we're exploring and the connections I'm making. I'm really excited about the painting demos in GYPO. Yay!
Things that are Crap:
1. That whole weight/fitness situation. I lost about 15 lbs a few months ago, but I've now gained it all back. I just can't bring myself to drag my body out of bed in the morning to walk or run. I love it when I'm in that habit, but once I'm out... ugh. It feels impossible. And then I feel bad about not doing it. And we all know how the shame spiral works. Sigh.
2. Career/sense of purpose. I want so badly to find That Thing. My Passion. Reading about people's epiphanes and experiences that told them what they were meant to do makes me so jealous. I like a lot of stuff, but I lack direction. And the list making and personality quizzes recommended in most classes and books serve only to scatter me more. I'm discouraged. Very discouraged.
3. The Sad. Do you ever get that? I sure do. Just when I'm feeling most envigorated or motivated (or when I'm feeling neither) I will wake up in a deep malaise. It doesn't last as long now as it used to, but it's there. A thing. A definite contributer to the two-steps-forward-one-step-back nature of my life. Exacerbated, but I don't think caused, by my lack of direction.
Overall life is good. I can't believe how blessed we are at our house: relatively healthy, employed, living in a comfy apartment, eating excellent food, drinking the best drinks, and having as much fun as work and volunteer schedules will allow. But I'd be happy to trade a little of the free fun time for a sense of direction. And a little less of the sad.